Lonely, Isolation & Connecting

by | May 23, 2023 | Mental Health

Loneliness and Isolation has been a significant an on-going problem that mental health providers have been addressing for a long time.  Since COVID, isolation, social distancing and isolation have become a widespread problem.  Poor physical and mental health have produced feelings of loneliness, which have led to isolation and social distancing.  The use of telehealth for mental health has grown more rapidly than for any other telehealth services.  People with pre-existing mental health issues are at a higher risk to experience loneliness and social isolation and often use isolation as a self-induced coping mechanism to deal with excessive worry and avoid human interaction, especially if they have experienced negative social interaction in the past.

The very fact that someone feels lonely, can make it harder to reach out for help.  Loneliness is an isolating feeling, which may lead to dissociation (an emotional detachment, feeling disconnected from yourself and others, feeling detached from your thoughts, feelings, memories, surroundings, and your body).  Loneliness and isolation are also linked to medical health problems, increasing a risk for premature disease and death.

Signs and symptoms that someone is isolating include inability to communicate and connect on a deeper level, not having close friends, self-doubt, low self-worth, feeling unseen/unheard/unappreciated, feeling exhausted or burnt out when trying to engage socially, depression, judging others as being a bad friend/rude/narcissistic/selfish/rude or that they are avoiding you, avoiding others judging them, wanting to protect themselves, in survival mode, I don’t have time, not wanting for others to see you at your worst, feeling unworthy of support, need to be in a safe space, nobody understands me, and not wanting to be a burden or disappoint anyone.

Greater risks for loneliness and isolation may be due to:

  • The pandemic, COVID
  • Illness of a loved one
  • Separation from friends or family
  • Loss of mobility, physical disability or access to transportation
  • Worsening vision or hearing problems
  • Living alone
  • Can’t leave your home (home bound)
  • Major loss or life change (such as death of a loved one or retirement)
  • Struggling with money
  • Aging

Mental health issues (such as depression, panic disorder, etc.)

  • Limited social support or connectedness
  • Living in a rural, unsafe, and/or hard to reach neighborhood
  • Language barriers
  • Experience age, racial, ethnic, sexual orientation and/or gender identity discrimination
  • Sexual or physical assault
  • Childhood or relationship abuse
  • Motor vehicle accidents
  • Natural disasters
  • Not meaningfully engaged in activities or are feeling a lack of purpose.

Building a Support System:

Everyone needs a support system.  Building a healthy support system that you can rely on, is important for not only your mental health and will help you in your time of need when it becomes harder to reach out.  Below, we will discuss the risks for loneliness and isolation, how to build a support network, and ways to stay connected.

A support system are made of a network of healthy people in your life that care about you and would provide the support that you need and in your best interest.  Support can come in the form of feedback, communication, listening or acts of service.  This may be family, close friends or neighbors, fellow students, school staff, faculty staff, co-workers, a boss, AA/NA or other recovery sponsors and supports, etc.  Positive interactions and help from others make us feel more safe, heard, loved, happy, comforted, accepted, appreciated and calmer.

Ways to stay connected:

  • Work on yourself.  Therapy with a mental health counselor is a great way to increase your self-awareness, self-confidence and build your strengths.  Also joining therapy groups such as for divorce, anxiety, depression, addiction,  and grief & loss.
  • Sustaining current friendships and staying in touch
  • Accept help when given
  • Meet your neighbors
  • Use on-line resources
  • Start your own support group
  • Contact others in your faith/religion (church, synagogue, temples, etc.
  • Find an activity that you enjoy, restart an old hobby, join a club,

    or take a class to learn something new, such as exercise at a gym, hiking, running, biking, cooking, photography, spiritual group, pottery, gardens/flower gardens and parks, libraries, learn a foreign language, Bonsai Classes at Morikami, diving, speaking groups, professional organizations, participating in sports, watching sports teams, arts and crafts, etc.  You might have fun and meet people with similar interests.  Meetup.com is a great way to socialize and find new or old interests and find social groups.  You can join a group, find an event, or start a group yourself.

  • Go to local events that can be found on your cities or counties website such as green markets, art and museum walks, art festivals, music festivals and concerts, food festivals, etc.
  • Join a professional group for your career and attend conferences.
  • Schedule time each day to stay in touch with family, friends, and neighbors in person, by email, social media, voice call, or text. Talk with people you trust and share your feelings. Suggest an activity to help nurture and strengthen existing relationships. Sending letters or cards is another good way to keep up friendships.
  • Join your HOA and become a part of a committee.  Be a part of your community, going to events.
  • Start a conversation and talk to people while in line at a grocery store or health food place, shopping, hiking, taking your dog for a walk, in a coffee shop or while eating out; this is a great way to meet new people.
  • Join a Food Sharing/Food Blogging site such as on Foodgawker, Yummly, Cookpad (Apple App Store), and Trivet Recipes.
  • Travel the world together over the internet to places like Ireland or the Glaciers in Alaska.  Or, in person, share all of your photos from your travels.
  • Schedule a time with others using virtual means such as FaceTime, Google Hangouts, Skype or Zoom to help keep you engaged and connected, whether you are just talking or playing an on-line game.
  • Start a book club or a game night in person or virtually.
  • Volunteer at a community center, charitable group, hospital, museum, place of worship, animal shelters and rescues, etc.
  • Host an in-person or virtual (on Zoom, etc.) watch party of your favorite tv series

  • If you’re not tech-savvy, sign up for an online or in-person class at your local public library or community center to help you learn how to use email or social media.
  • Create friendships with friends of friends.  Expand your circle of friends.
  • Consider adopting a pet if you are able to care for them. Animals can be a source of comfort and may also lower stress and blood pressure.
  • Stay physically active and include group exercise, such as joining a walking club or working out with a friend. Adults should aim for at least 150 minutes (2 1/2 hours) of activity a week that makes you breathe hard.
  • Introduce yourself to your neighbors.
  • Find fun and interesting new things to do like fishing or boat tours, going to a zoo or museum and start conversations with people.
  • Start conversations with co-workers.
  • Small acts of kindness build intimacy and connection.  Help a neighbor, bring food and/or flowers to someone that has had a loss, offer to take a neighbor to a medical appointment or watch their animals while they go on vacation.
  • Be willing to be open and vulnerable and ask for help from others.  This gives others a chance to do random acts of kindness for your and helps build relationships.
  • Check out resources and programs at your local social service agencies, community and senior centers, and public libraries.
  • Join a cause and get involved in your community.
  • Smile and the world smiles back.  Smiling creates a positive effect on others.  It breaks down barriers and shows openness.

If you are feeling lonely and isolated, please give me a call and schedule an appointment for us to work together.  Elizabeth Moffett, LMHC, Phone: (561) 818-5460.

References:

Research has been on-going and below is the recent research by the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.

https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

https://www.cdc.gov/aging/publications/features/lonely-older-adults.html

Thank you for allowing me to serve you.  Remember to Live from your Heart!  I look forward to serving you again.